LYRICS

(Chapter 72 of "Senses")

Miracles

When I was a young man, fought to save my hide

Thought that people's innocence was just locked up inside

But no one ever seems to care

It's not the why it's just the where

I expected miracles and not a ten round fight

Then the man in black said "go and weigh in...

You're gonna face the champ today and maybe you'll win

But either way you'll end up battered and torn"

I am now an older man I've got nowhere to hide

I found that my emotions were just lock up inside

Now I'm in my ringside seat

I found that life is too complete

The Blame

Why are we both running away from what we both tell each other we need

How did I let you say goodbye to me

I know that the time's long gone to say exactly where all of the dream went wrong

You can go your own way and I'll dream of mine

You'd say "we need to talk it out" and we'd agree on what we need to know

Then you'd never confide in me and I'm guessing on which way to go

Tell me how was I to know

You never let your feelings show

And I can't deny your words

We'll never be the same

I don't think we care who's right but we both had to have our way

So I say goodbye to you and save my tears for another day

I don't mind that you walk away but you know we need each other more and more

I never meant to hurt you back then but you've never talked of love before

She Needs Your Love

Alone she waits, alone she smiles

Thinking that she's happy when inside she cries

She never feels, that she needs to feel

Standing on he line between the pure and real

She used to try, you can see it in her eyes

She needs your love

And if she tries to tell you how she feels don't hide

She needs your love

So don't run away, and leave her on her own

She never calls, it's no trouble at all

Never mind the courtesy to break her fall

She never dreams, that she needs to dream

Some things are never exactly what they seem

She used to feel, now she does not know what's real

Stranger

Met a girl just the other day, a girl who threw her life away

A girl I'd known for many years but she was a stranger to me

All she said was contradiction, it wasn't minor superstition

It was a major drug addiction, she was a stranger to me

She was a woman very fine, she was a lover only mine

I never saw a single sign, she was a stranger to me

Then she suddenly turned around, then she walked on unbroken ground

With a needle she was found, she was a stranger to me

At first I was very mad

Someone would be at the wrong end of muscle

Then I was very sad

Someone whom I'd loved had got herself into trouble

Met a man just the other day, had a roll of money just as big as my hand

With many people he was in demand but he was a stranger to me

All he said was contradiction, I began to have a premonition

He was the cause of an addiction, he was a stranger to me

A girl walked up she was formerly fine, a woman who was formerly mine

I began to see what was a crime, he wasn't a stranger to me

Then he suddenly turned around, then I walked on unbroken ground

I wanted him to be underground, I became a stranger to me

The War Suite

There's an absence of light falling now

And as darkness reaches the edge of town, little children run around for shelter

Artillery sounds out now, shells they strike the ground

Mama sing me a prayer, love will get you there

Mama sing me a prayer, it's not the clothes it's what you wear

When the morning comes you will find the children gone

Nothing but smoke will fill the air, love will get you there

But it might help to sing me a prayer

The night patrol is riding now

And as the stars fade from our view, little children wonder what they'll do

The cameras take their time, have all the children stand in line

And the dawn is rising now

A ray of light peeks through the mist, children wonder is this all that life is

Running away from sound, loved ones fall to the ground

Everyone writes a song about Vietnam

I guess it's now my turn, to pass history along

But I wasn't there

Can't even imagine what it was like

I can't sing a requiem for a pain I simply cannot feel

Why do others try?

Does everyone remember Vietnam

I'm so glad you do, but I was far too young

To understand

Don't know what it's like to be a hero

Some will criticize and say I'm unfeeling and don't comprehend

I know they're right

Can anyone explain Vietnam?

I'm so glad you can, or have you got it wrong

And were you there

How dare you sing a requiem for a pain that you've never felt

Why do you try

I think about yesterday, not so long ago but it seems so far away

I think about the here and now, things are so much faster and some things scare me anyhow

I think about tomorrow and how the children live

Will they ask what it was about

Will they forgive

Short Time Love

Where did she go, you ask I say it's all right

It's just one time, it's nothing that will keep me up nights

Well, just a little, I've been known to lie before

Why did I call, perhaps I just want to tell you

She's gone, you're here, the one I hold dear will be gone tonight

Tonight we can be together for a short time

And now you're here and now I'm scared to try to follow through

And when we meet again, I'm unsure just what I'll do

Hold me now, keep myself from shaking apart

We may need each other to lead me to my lover's heart

We're gone alone, to find a small place ourselves one night

Tonight we can be together for a short time love

What's she doing to me, I don't know - I'm still in love and I know she still loves me

I guess I will write this one off to experience, be with me for a short time

Razor's Edge

Here she's coming, she is a razor's edge

"You haven't got much time" at least that's what she said

She'll bed you and break you, do what she can to take you

Razor's edge with a perfect smile

She likes lingerie, she likes leather

She likes to watch your face as she pulls off her sweater

But don't try smooth talk, she doesn't like it

She isn't subtle so I wouldn't try

I sometimes know why she acts in this way

But I won't complain or ask why

All I can say is I love her this way

She is a woman who walks a razor's edge

Men like nude women

Women like nude men

If there is Playboy then there should be Playgirl

That is her philosophy

If men are sexist, so can be women

If women sexy then why can't men

Some say pornography but I say freestyle

It's like swimming so jump right in

She may be a lover

She might cut you down

She might hold together

Let her drag you down

Hitchhiker

She was by the side of the road I was in the third lane

She put out her hand, I nearly missed it, but she registered

Don't ask me why I changed my land and made a turn

The only thing that matters is that I came around and picked her up

She said she'd pay me anything I asked

But my services are in such high demand

"Where do you go" I said, she said "this way for a while"

She flashed a smile you seldom see off of a reptile

I said I couldn't take her far, I'm going back to work

"Don't waste my time" she soon replied and had me driving on

She said she'd pay me anything I asked

But my services are not in such high demand

We go to the roadside, she offers up her fee

She makes her payment to me and I carry her on

After a while I dropped her off at someone's home

I guess that's where we were, I didn't pay that much attention

And she was gone and she was just a memory

Or was it fantasy sometimes I have trouble separating

She said she'd pay me anything I asked

But my services are in such high demand

We go to the roadside, she opens up to me

Oh, Michelle

Day into night, but I don't always live there

Try second sight, but I don't keep my mind there

Catch second wind, it's like spending time alone

Move, I'll bring you in, you keep me waiting by your phone

I don't try to tell you what is right for you so you don't tell me what is wrong for me

I'm no one, to try to sell your rescue

On your own, you love her and she loves you

Not my style, but I'm a voyeur don't you see

Try to find, the reasons for what you do to me

You walk into the room, the smell of stale perfume is all there is to welcome you

Oh, Michelle, I have tried to understand and I have tried to be your man but you would have no part of me

Oh, Michelle, you wouldn't have it any other way and nothing I can say will persuade you, and nothing you can do will confine me

Work into play, I think I should be going

Try as I may, a scene I can't get out of mind

Do I run, or do I stay and listen

Try to hide, can I confront my feelings

You find your lover and she cannot run for cover in such an open room

You and I, we can't deny who you are

Can't compete, with what you want to be

Leave alone, I can accept just who you are

Comfort me, I can't sell you what will make you free

She will be here always and just once I will be right outside your door

Cross-examination

Nathan has a room in a Culver City motel

He has tracks on his arm, although he covers them well

He tries not to laugh as he's heading for a score

He never takes much, never asks for more

He doesn't have an answer

He don't even raise the question

He's got a method coming to him in cross-examination

Julie's in a restaurant with a pocket mirror in her hand

She doing lines of something that looks like sand

She never thinks to wonder why she feels so bad

She'll be dead in a year never knowing that she's been had

She doesn't have an answer

She don't even raise the question

She's got a method coming to her in cross-examination

You want to sing a song about lawyers and thieves

And rock and roll parties on New Year's Eve

But don't dare to judge in your friends are slipping in deeper

You want to have a smoke and you want to have a drink

You never settle down and you never stop to think

About the trouble you cause to your friends who worry about you

You don't have an answer

You don't even raise the question

You've got a method coming to you in cross-examination

Illusion

I'm here listening to the radio

Wondering where does the time go as I stand here

I know it's time to do another show

Wait for the signal to hit the road, a lifetime in fear

If love will find me I'll feel lucky

And maybe life will go on

Even if precious love does pass me by

I must always be strong

It's an illusion, but it's not an answer

I must believe that a life can carry on

If you will wait and if I will find you

The illusion of love will be strong

I'm here think about the time of day

Thinking of how lovers play in the afternoon

Maybe soon I will make my play

Then I won't stay another day, I'm leaving soon

If love will find me then I'll have an answer

And I'll have a star in the sky

The energy on stage goes higher and higher

So life can't pass me by

Diane

I sat down to write a letter, instead I got a song

Seems the things that start up right always turn up wrong

I want to tell her how I feel even if that feeling's unsure

I may be young in my teacher's eyes but still I'm too mature

Diane I never meant to hurt you, I'm just the way I am

I can't change and I don't want to try

Perhaps if this were another time, another place, a better race

We would last, forget the past and be in love

I'm finally starting to feel better, dreams don't haunt me anymore

All my dreams of yesterday were spent the night before

But a whirlwind dream can't last forever and now it's long gone

A change within you, a change within me, conclusions overdrawn

Summertime infatuation doesn't change the situation

Because the lords of all creation don't believe in you and me

Even if we try, we can never last

Best go on, sing a song, don't live in the past

I sat down to write a letter, instead I got a song

It seems the things that start out right always turn out wrong

You never could have been my lover though deep down inside

I've realized myself outside is stronger when I hide

Felecia

Hey girl, you are a tease

And you pull it off with such ease

You like to watch those men react

And even I like to watch you act

You can have the same effect on me, and you'd never notice

It's a quality I like in you, never a broken promise

If anyone asks me, I wrote this song to embarrass you

It's all in fun, don't search your pride to find a trace of me

Felecia my good friend, who are you running away from

Felecia you're not a woman in love, but you try to convince me again and again

Felecia, you're not my lover

Do you want to be, do I want to be, I don't know

Hey girl, you're so full of passion

I sometimes wonder about your lack of action

I try to understand your state of mind

But I never know what I will find

There are airwaves and radio silence and a Nagel on the wall

One slip and you will fly away

If anyone asks you, you don't mean that much to me

I'm not your love and I don't write your prophecy

Confirmation

Yesterday I saw my friend's love walk away

He said to me "I don't understand how this could be

Our love seemed so natural how could I let it end

You should understand how your girl's feeling

And listen to what I say"

You'd better get some confirmation

That your love's for real

Don't get fooled by complications

They will come back on you

You'd better get some confirmation

Or she'll walk out on you

Don't rely on superstition

She knows what to do

People say only a fool lets love slip away

But they don't see how unpredictable a love can be

If your love seems so natural what kind of fool could you be

You may not understand how your girl's feeling

So listen to what I say

Won't Give You Up

We met in a bar in Chinatown

And I at first thought that you would drag me down

You nearly did although not out of spite

But that's all right

I'm not your pet but I will be your friend

And if you stay you'll win my passion 'till the end

A steamy love scene in an old-time movie

That's what I see

I give the credit where credit is due

And though this may come as a surprise to you

I won't give you up but I will let you fly

You value your life as I do mine

I saw you in a bar in old Manhattan

Looking like a beauty queen, living like sin

Oriental girl with the brown subtle eyes

At first a surprise

You gave me backrubs and I paid in attention

I gave you silk because that's what you look best in

A common acquaintance slept you away

But that's okay

I give the credit where credit is due

But I don't really care what's happening to you

I won't give you up but I will let you fly

Can you really understand why

It may be London the next time we meet

Although you'll go away I won't admit defeat

I won't give you up but may see you by and by

Whenever you've go the time

Now here we are in a junk in Hong Kong

Down on you luck and I'm singing this song

You are a spirit and I am a salesman

Do you understand

We will be together for an hour or so

Then you can be your tramp and I will hit the road

We're the seedy couple in a seedy affair

Do you even care

Somebody's Mind

In a small home town there lived a small town boy who thought he could change the world

Then came the rain and the hurt and the pain, papa is gone but he's well mama's heard

He left home to try to carve his own road, but nobody cares what he finds

He's with the Peace Corps with the work and the pain, and dreams of a happier time

I just don't know what keeps him going but I guess the answer's locked up, in somebody's mind

A big city girl in a big city world, who thought she controlled it all

She thought she had a boy with all the right toys, but she left when he started to fall

She started drinking and she lost what was real, never saw the ends to the means

Now she has her home in bags and meals on the street, he beau is the same it would seem

I just don't know what keeps her going, but I guess the answer's locked up, in somebody's mind

There was an actor who became president, don't know what it means to be poor

There was a man who said that he had a dream, people will dream still more and more

I don't know how some people keep going but I guess the answer's locked up, in somebody's mind

Why Don't We

Here in the moonlight, walking hand in hand

Here we meet once again, although we never planned to let it slip away

I'm always thinking about you day after day

Girl don't it feel right, walking in the sand

I think you see it was meant to be, although we never planned to meet again this day

At last you told me we can't go on this way

I was so hurt on our first time, I'm not the kind to put you on line

Because it's not the way we should ever be

Why don't we fall in love again, you know we can do it if we try

Why don't we fall in love again

Why don't we fall in love again, you know we can do it if we try

Why don't we fall, fall in love, Why don't we

Here in the morning lying side by side

Here we are once again and it's too late to hide the feelings that we share

I can't believe that it's always been there

Girl don't it feel right, walking in the sand

I think now you see it was meant to be, although we never planned to meet again that day

Now I can see that love is here to stay

I Love Her/I Need Her

I was heading for home, first November

When she sat down next to me

My heart soared to the sky and now I sometimes wonder why

We became friends almost instantly

Before I even knew her name

And I know I'll never understand why things didn't go as planned

I love her and I need her but she's gone away

Baby says that she loves me and she doesn't want to break my heart

And if she had the time she would stay here to be mine

That's what she told me on the day she left and not I don't understand

Please tell me why she had to leave me, why things didn't go as planned

And I wonder why sometimes my life can be so hard

And I wonder why sometimes I play life on a card

And I sometimes wonder what my life will hold for me, For me

Reunion

I got home from work to find my little mailbox full of bills

I sort them through while I watch the new when my eye steels down and catches your note

It has your name, is isn't signed, "Welcome back the Class of '82"

Has it really been that long since I last saw you

I sent in my RSVP, god they didn't get it I know they didn't get it but I'm on my way

I get to the door there's a tag for me and that's good, for most people I wouldn't recognize anyway

There are a lot of people I never knew, they come up to me and ask me how I've been

The bane of being famous, I was musing to myself, that's when you walked in

Many things I wrote when I was younger were about you

I tried to comprehend all of my feelings about you

Was I in love, I don't think so but I don't know

You walk this way and I've got nowhere to go

We were not lovers, I cannot even say that we were friends

When I got out of town, I swore that I would never come back again

I'd finally almost forgotten you, you were only in one song on my last tour

I'd reached an understanding, something finally came between me and you

I was a little bit scared when you finally passed your current friends and got to me

I asked you to dance, you thought it thoughtful, no one else had thought to ask

I said "ten years have been good to you" and you thanked me and asked to talk for a while

About the marriage and the kid and the guilt of a love that's long gone

Many things I writing now I find are still about you

I have never changed any of my feelings about you

Am I in love, I don't think so but I don't know

You walk this way, nowhere else I want to go

We spent the night alone together you and I

There were things we laughed about and there were times we cried

I never felt as close to anyone as I was close to you

A single word can alter you point of view

Don't ask me what happens next, that's a moment for me and her alone and the moment's gone

She's still in that small town and as you see I'm on the road singing this song

Keeping in touch is hard when you've not got a constant place to call your own

Should I call her to me, what do you think?

Maybe I Love You

Don't understand why I feel this way, I've never been the jealous kind

Everything's changed since I met you, I'm not sure I understand why

Anytime I see you with another guy, I get the strangest feeling inside

It makes me feel like I should talk to you though I've got no right to call you mine

We've known each other for quite some time, we've always been good friends

There's a voice in the back of my mind, saying "is this the way you want it to end"

I get so scared, I've been in this place before, tearing up over people this way

It makes me feel like I should talk to you and things that I want to say

Maybe I love you, this one time I can't be sure

I try to work it out, in my brain

But I think too fast, I have to check it again

Maybe I love you, I've got to tell it to you

I won't keep it inside anymore

I've got to know for sure if you love me

If you need me

Can you really need me

Do you love me

Close Your Eyes

One way corridor, one way street one way life

Somebody please turn out the lights

No one ever gets it right, not even me

Dave he on a corner, whistle at the girls as they go by

Don't even see the gleam in his eye

Mustn't be doing something right

Jack, he hold a mirror, checks his hair for the 25th time

Tries to hide all the lines

The man is wasting time

"Everything's in order, won't you please come on inside"

She looked at me, she sighed

Turned her head and cried

Ever notice it, ever wonder why we try

Close your eyes to it, maybe you'll understand why

Jack, he wears three piece suits, like his drinks real smooth

Wears a gold chain that don't mean anything

Likes the one night stand

Dave, he works the land, at night he floats in beer and no one understands

All that he owns is everything

And he keeps what he claims

Jack and Dave have been friends for 33 years and a day and a summer and a Fourth of July

Never mind asking, they won't say why

I've known her ten long years and she wants to settle down and she needs to settle down with me or someone else

I don't know, I guess I'm too caught up in it myself

Don't bother asking why

All I Ask Of You

I've been around from shore to shore and people don't understand

Sometimes they only want more and more, they ask too much of this man

I've been living in a record world, musical fantasy

The people there make you crazy, hell just look at me

People say they understand me, but most of them don't even try

They don't understand that I'm only looking for love

Here I'm on the stage, look at me dance

If you show me love, maybe I'll smile

Here I play the game, I'm in a trance

All I ask of you is that we walk for a while

I've been around from time to time, and people they ask me why

Why don't you go get yourself involved, I say why the hell should I try

I just sit back here in my world, musical fantasy

I've been hurt too many damn times to let someone love me

Here I'm on the stage, sweat of my face

Come on, show me love, you know I'll smile

Here I play the game, gone with no trace

All I ask of you is that we talk/touch for a while

Here We Go Again

Rock and roll video, Rocky Horror Picture Show

I've seen it all before

The junkies and the whores they rob you blind

Superman, Automan, Big Chill, overkill

Star Wars strikes again

Before we can regain our senses, public TV tears down fences

Take it fast, got it made, drive away Chevrolet

Drive only 55

Best get out alive while you can

Big star, fast car, better than you are

Humanity leaves the ground

Fly away in super ships, the Air Force says we're little blips

I'm okay, you're okay, mind I ask you if you're gay

It makes no difference to me

I'll only ask that you don't tell a soul

I'm a man, you're a man as long as you understand

I don't get into you

I don't have to pay in cash, if I want a piece of action

Ghosts

Ghosts of a paperback

Flame chases the candle away

The old man sits, pen in hand

Writing myths of the motherland

He knows there's a secret

Hidden deep in a stone

No matter how sharp you hone

You know that heart is set

Dead in it's ways

A tear runs down an aged cheek

Old eyes strain, what do they seek

He reaches out to something there

But all he touches is dust and air

Reaches back, puts his head in his hands

Reads his myths of the motherland

He knows that secret's Hidden deep in a stone

And he's been shown

That his heart is set

Dead in his ways

Cry To Me

A friend came home from college, he didn't have much to say

He learned a lot but all he got was a job with minimum pay

He let his anger get to him, his girl just got in the way

She up and left and why, he said "she wouldn't say"

He said "Jim I don't know what I expected, but I do know it wasn't this

I spent four years and thirty thousand dollars to make it to the fortune list

I can read the sports page and fantasize about big business"

"Why don't you leave" I asked, "No" was all he'd say

Don't ask me why the world can be so hard

I don't have the answers, I didn't read the cards

You can cry to me if I can cry to you

You know I've been there too

I left home when I was eighteen, sought the fast lane but don't know what the speed means

The people were easy but the friends were few, they sought one or the other of the same extreme

I let their anger get to me, the heat was white as new fallen snow

I up and left and why, I still don't think they know

There ain't no fortune teller that knows your destiny

What do you expect from life it's always been a mystery

There are no damsels there are no knights, there are no cities of gold

I don't wait for miracles, I don't believe I've been sold

I've seen life and I've seen pain, there will always be fire there will always be rain

I realize that your story's sad, but there are always more who have suffered much worse pain

But don't you sit and worry about the so many "could have beens"

And if you never leave, don't come and ask me Why

Apostrophes And Answers

Don't worry about the world

There's enough people around to do the job

Don't need to make a social mark, or even make sense

Can't stop the world

Who are you to say that you know better

What kind of rules do you push on me

Where are you going

When are you going

Why are you going

Don't drink to save yourself

Doesn't bring about the better side of you

Can't complain about your individual status quo

Won't let the critics change my mind

Critic's Choice

There's the spotlight, run towards it before it fades away

It's gone, it was never there

Something that a few men got together to create for the flash of a public's eye

You push, you reach, you try, you fail to please

But then again no one ever could

What would you do if you had it made

Sell your soul for a bit of freedom and maybe somebody will smile

What do you want, you ask too much, I'm just a man

Flesh and blood, and nothing more

No perfection, no grace, no sale

So I sit and I drink the sadness away

Everybody loved me

Somehow

Before Tomorrow Comes

You live alone, no one calls so don't answer the telephone

You go to work at five 'till nine, you use your break just to simply bide your time

You work so hard, no one cares it never gets you very far

And for you see it's nine 'till five, seems so hard just to stay alive

And so the day is over, the night has just begun

I'd like to see you very soon, too many songs are unsung

Have I told you how I feel, or have we come undone

You've got a lot to think about before tomorrow comes

Are you all right, do you like your life or would you like company tonight

I need companionship tonight, I hear your name and think that everything will be all right

I think of you, I get confused I wonder what I'm supposed to do

Can you come and see me tonight, there's a chance that I may get to do it right

Focus

You're saying what I think isn't right

Does what you say you believe keep you up nights

Say you fight for fairness, equality and peace

But I've got the right to speak

Your purpose is strong, your focus is wrong

You drill the wrong song, compassion is gone

You shout all your problems, well that's nothing new

Right now I'll listen, I've got nothing else to do

You say I'm short sighted, I live in the past

You have yourself to ask

It's still an age old story, I'll defend your right to say

But I ask the same of you, focus in on what there is to weigh

Do you think you're holy, only matters what you say

Consider my feelings, what I've said today

I haven't tried to shut you up or tell you what to do

So try something new

Complete Control

Sorry, I couldn't figure out the words to this one, and neither Jim or A.J. would tell me. - Jace

The Cynic

I sit myself to write a love song

My mind is spinning, the words they come out wrong

I sit to write my song conscientiously

But I'm a cynic, I might like what I see

I write a song about writing a song

The words become lazy, the phrasing much too long

I write a song about nothing at all

I give up trying, the pages start to fall

I don't know why I sometimes sit and smile as the days go by

Don't ask for wisdom, I have none to give and you have none to return

I drink my wine and I sing my song

There's a girl who listens but she doesn't sing along

Her mind's a whisper, my mind's a rage

There's a rush of feeling as she welcomes to my age

There is a dynamo inside of me

Whirlwind of feeling that's trapped for all to see

I've got to have her, get her anyway

Don't want to listen or to give it all away

I know she's much too young, but she won't turn away

It makes me stronger everyday

So I'm the older man in a classic affair

The cynic never runs away

Mystery To Me

What did she say to you, did she look down on you

What could she do to make you feel this way

There's an aura surrounding you, someone is plaguing you

I've seen this before in you, it tears me apart

Hey my friend, you've been caught here again

And you've tried too hard to please your friends

I don't know why it is you act in this way

It's a mystery to me, it's something I can't see

"I see you've noticed how I feel, it's nothing that appeals to me

Something like transparency, you see right through

It's something that I had to do, don't you see my point of view

I'll just have to see it through, are you listening to me"

"She said she had it all worked out, she didn't have a single doubt

Told me what it's all about, that she's leaving me

She said she found another love and I wonder who she's thinking of

She told me that she'd had enough then she walked away"

Runaway/Thought

There's a girl who lives alone

Peeling shadows from her life

And all of those she left behind

She thinks of all who loved her

There were so many and so few

Hers is a story we all know

She's a runaway, she never meant to stay at home

She's a runaway, she just wants to be alone

She's a runaway, she never meant to hurt anyone

She's a runaway and she knows exactly what she has done

There's a girl who's found a home

For her friends she's found a new life

She's found love and people who care

She thinks of all who love her

A love she knows she can never return

Hers is a story we should know

All songs Copyright Antinomy Music, A.R.R. Used with Permission. To read the afterword to the novel, click here.